


you are the page, the ink, the poem

by bluesmoke, Thandra



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Epistolary, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Sexual Fantasy, Sexuality Crisis, Summer Vacation, Underage Drinking, Verbal Abuse, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23067424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesmoke/pseuds/bluesmoke, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thandra/pseuds/Thandra
Summary: How a bunch of parchments, an almost blind owl, a nazi fish, some quotes and a lot of porn photos managed to get Sirius and Remus together - the correspondence of the summer between 6th and 7th year, and how their relationship evolves through it.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

Esteemed Mr. Moony,

It is with great and everlasting joy that I present you - insert rolling drums here, please - LADY CALLIOPE! MY VERY OWN OWL! Isn’t she the perfect example of beauty and grace? Isn’t she the most wonderful creature to ever live on this forgotten earth? Is or is she not the emblem of all that’s good and pure in this sad, sad world?!

Her single, almost blind eye shines like the brightest star - so, well, me. Her piumage, of the darkest shade of brown, tinted with streaks of gold, is still enchanting even if time claims one of them almost every day - it would be rather annoying, constantly picking them up,if it wasn’t for the everlasting love that immediately sparked between us. And the strength! Her formidable strength, that surpasses age and tiredness - and the, barely noticeable, lack of a leg: war wound, she gets very upset, so don’t ask about it - where was I? Yes! Yes, her strength: that takes her tirelessly in the sky, time after time, carrying my words and treasuring them like only a faithful companion would.

SUMMER BARELY EVEN BEGUN AND HAPPINESS IS ALREADY FILLING MY VERY SOUL! In the form of an old, almost blind, legless, adorable owl. You love her already Moony, admit it. James keeps saying she is an abomination, and can’t look at her for much time: when we saw her at the store, he downright screamed - and that, I must admit, is ultimately why I choose her.

He literally shivers every time he glances at her, and I even saw him suppress a squeak a couple of times. It is wonderful, I love her immensely. 

The Potter’s house looks even more beautiful this year, the nothingness in green surrounding it is already bright and lovely and the sun shines incessantly above the medieval stones of the ancient house - it’s really, really hot. I’m not sweating already, but I will be soon. But my room - MY ROOM! - is on the second floor opposite to James’, is hidden from the sun on the warmest hours and pleasantly windy. You remember it, it once was the guest room. Now it’s filled with posters and Gryffindor banners, there are clothes everywhere, and it smells faintly of wet dog.

How did your summer start Moony? Any new friends, in the form of elderly pets? Or perhaps, in your case, any new books? Adventures? - like that one I really liked in fourth year, the one about pirates (you know the one: with the map, and the old man, and the treasure). Keep me updated, you know I only read through your eyes.

Wishing you a splendid summer & many new adventures, yours truly

Mr. Padfoot.

P.S. Feel free to feed Calliope whatever, at this point she needs all the help she can get.

_______________________

Esteemed Mr. Padfoot,

if you see blood on this letter, it's Calliope's fault. I gave her a piece of my loved and precious chocolate, the one with those crunchy, beautiful, tasty nuts. She choked down all the pieces with one bite, vomited it on my book and chewed on my hand. What kind of monster she is?

Besides, what kind of name is Calliope? I think Pandora is more appropriate, you know. Pandora, bearer of all the ills of the world.

I will call her Pandora, from now on, and you can't stop me.

Right now is looking at me like she wants to kill me. Did you train her to murder me? Of course you did.

I have to say this - even if it makes me a bad person, but I thought that Wormtail was the ugliest animal in the world but now that I meet Pandora, I think she defeats him - and it's not that easy.

Things at home are always the same. Dad looks at me like he can't decide if I am a monster or still his son, while mum looks at me like I am going to break. You know, the same shit.

Two days ago mum brought me a goldfish to keep me company. Yes, you hear that correctly. A goldfish. To keep me company. What kind of company can it give to me? And I even gave that thing a name - Adolf, because it has a black spot right under its eyes. I have a little nazi as pet. How pathetic I am?

I am reading a new book - The Box Man, you would like it. There is a nameless man that gives up his identity and wears a large cardboard box over his head. He can only imagine the world. Scribbling on the inside walls of the box, he invents past, present and future that crash together in his brain. I can't tell you anything more because if you want to know, you have to read it.

Quote of the day - from the book I am reading:

_‘I personally feel that a box, far from being a dead end, is an entrance to another world. I don't know to where, but an entrance to somewhere, some other world.’_

I miss you and your stupid noisy laugh. I would like to hear it now to save me from this disturbing silence.

I'm happy you finally have a room on your own. The Potters are so kind and they love you a lot. Are you having fun? Come on, tell me which pranks you and James are doing to each other - I know you are torturing each other.

I'm happy you are finally happy, you deserve it.

Say hi to Prongs from me and tell him to sneak in your room one of this night and dye your hair blonde.

Yours,

Mr. Moony.

_______________________

Mr. R.J. Lupin,

(No, you don't deserve a dear, or an esteemed) How dare you insult the beautiful, majestic, aweinspairing owl that graces us with her services. How dare you, you peasant.

That said, I like Pandora. She shall be, from now on: Calliope Pandora Black (Lupin? Black-Lupin? Since you named her too, you should be co-parenting her. Take your responsibility, Mr. Lupin). The bearer of all ills into the world and the muse of eloquence and epic poetry: it should surely inspire my correspondence to be both sophisticated and outrageous, just how I like it.

And about your alleged cruelty, you shouldn't worry: I have found myself thinking that Wormtail is the ugliest animal on earth too, and he wasn't even a rat at the time. No, I'm not ashamed.

The box book does sound interesting, in that all in their head/going mad thing you like so much. It sounds like that one that you tried to make me read, in like, first year. The one of the guy that fakes his death, and leaves his god awful family - The Late Whatshisname? I think, maybe. Oh well, it was boring.

The fish, while not exactly equipped to keep you company, should still deserve your love - since you already gave him a rather dreadful name. Love the damn fish, Remus. Is all you can do after YOU NAMED HIM AFTER A FUCKING NAZI.

We do miss you too, we always do. (I miss you. I know the silence can be way too loud, and feeling alone when your family is there. I know. But we miss you, so don't listen to it. Don't listen to the silence Remus, it's lying. We're here, we love you).

The prank war, as you wisely predicted oh wise and good Moony, already started. Or, well, I started it. I just kept looking at Prongs’ hair, and its resemblance to a bird nest kept bugging me, and I couldn't take it anymore: I had to charm a bird to follow him and sit on his head constantly, I just couldn't resist. And no, I didn't share with him your unfair suggestion - me a blond? Really? The mare thought that I could even slightly resemble that opportunistic bitch Narcissa makes me want to barf. No, bad Moony: my hair is a no touch zone.

(Kidding, you're always good to me Moony. You can touch my hair)

The Potters are good, amazing really. It's just. They love me, I know they do. And it's not like I feel as a guest, or an intruder - I suppose I feel like I’m family, maybe. But my conception of family is so fucked up that I can't even. I never felt like this at home, and it's all so good - but it makes me want to tear my hair out. Sorry, I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

James says we have a couple of weeks before the weather destroys us, but since he also says it wouldn't rain today I don't believe him anymore - I feel like the sky is trying to fall on us, one drop at a time. And it's still fucking hot, rain and all. Stupid England, it's supposed to be summer.

(Are summer rains supposed to be romantic? Like: it's not freezing cold, so we can kiss under the rain? I don't get it, you'll still get wet.)

Well, I think I lost control of this letter a long time ago - blame the sleepiness, or the influence of the muse, or the late hour and the general tiredness.

I'll send you some chocolate & you really should apologize to Calliope Pandora, lots of love

Sirius.

_______________________

Dear Padfoot,

I just thought to write a letter to James and start it with ‘Deer James’.

I can hear you laughing. Stop it immediately, you will be heard from everyone in the world.

Calliope Pandora Black-Lupin. A name, a punishment. I will take my responsibility - do not worry about that, even if it's clear I am not the most loved parent. Indeed I tried to pet her and she almost ripped my hand apart. Such a lovely owl. You have to know that the first time I saw her, I felt mercy. A poor old owl who has to carry your heavy letters full of bullshit. But then she tried to kill me, and you are trying to make me feel guilty for insulting her? No way. I will love her like a cat loves water. It is the best I can do right now. Maybe - and I say maybe if one day she will stop trying to mutilate me, I will forgive her. But until then I will look at her with the same hate she looks at me.

You said you wrote this letter late in the night, but it arrived to me only this morning. Maybe Callidora got lost. Do you like Callidora? I know, I know, my names are beautiful. And yeah, I named my pet after a fucking nazi - stop screaming.

The book I'm reading doesn't sound interesting, it is interesting. You always say my books are boring but then you like them when I read them to you. Admit it. Another quote from this book:

“I have the feeling of being in a construction elevator suspended in the skeleton of an unfinished building and between two concrete walls that were shedding tears like bird droppings.”

The quote is not just random.

I know how you feel - like you cannot understand where you belong, like you are suspended between what you are and what you miss. I can't tell you if this feeling will ever go away, but I can tell you that you are not alone in this war. I will fight with you. Don't be afraid. And if the sky will fall on you - one drop at a time, don't worry. We will catch every single drop and we’ll build our personal sky. Can you imagine it? A sky without the moon, with your star - the brightest star of the Canis Major constellation, lighting it all.

Some days I wake up with this weight on my chest that keeps me from breathing. I know you can understand me.

You made James’ hair a bird nest? Really? You are a genius. Will you do this again when I will be there, please? And yes, you should be ashamed for what you think about Wormtail. Okay, he is not the most beautiful bloke in the world but, come on, there is always Snape, so…

Now, I'll wait - with a lot of anxiety, my chocolate. You know what chocolate you have to send to me. Be sure Callidora won't eat it. Be sure.

I miss you.

Yours,

Remus.

_______________________

My Dearest and Most Wonderful Remus “Moony” Lupin,

I am happy to inform you that you are now my new, undoubtedly improved James. The old one - you might remember him: shitty hair, basically blind without glasses, unhealthy obsession with high maintenance redheads - died tragically. My hands accidentally held his neck really tight, until the very breath of life abandoned him. A tragic accident, really - not that he didn't deserve it: he dared to color the best hair in the universe, The Best Hair, without their owners consent. How dare he, the heathen.

(My hair has been a glittery shade of silver all day, I look like a unicorn vomited on my head)

But, as the muggles say: when one hits rock bottom, one can only go up - it was like that right? Can't remember. And up I went! Euphemia's best pudding was already waiting for me when I finally found enough resolve to leave my room with that shiny abomination on my head - oh the bravery! Up Gryffindor!!! - and suddenly my day was wonderful.

And the world, and universe. And even this dysfunctional fucking country: how can the sun be so bloody damn hot when just last night the sky was raining down?! But after Euphemia's pudding, even England's weather seems wonderful. Well, almost - I do feel my brain trying to sweat out of my cranium from my ears.

You're right. Wormtail is indeed aesthetically displeasing; but Snivellus is downright ugly. From the tip of his greasy hair, to the darkest corner of his hollow soul. That disgusting little shit.

Callidora! I like it! It's genius! (How the same person can think such a wonderful, aristocratic name and then name a poor fish AFTER A FUCKING NAZI is beyond me.)

Today mom asked me and The Late James Potter - how can he manage to be such a pain in the ass even from the afterlife is a mystery - to water the tulips. Her beloved singing tulips, that apparently hate Prongs with a passion - there's a story there. Prongs refuses to tell, but I will find out. So I spent half an hour laughing my ass off: every time James tried to step towards them, a concert of offkey screaming exploded. I loved it.

(All the more hilarious since the bird I charmed yesterday seems to have taken a liking to him. He has been following around still, the magic stopped a long time ago).

Does it go away? The weight on your chest. It could explain your tragic posture, Mr. Moony. Ever tried blowing it away, breath after breath, until sadness isn't there anymore? (I know it's not that easy, but breathe in happiness - James getting screamed down by flowers while a bird follows him? That's one happy thought - and let the sadness out)

(I'm here, you know that right? Always)

I'm sending a photo with the letter, and chocolate - yes, I know what kind, who do you take me for? - to bribe you into not ever showing it to anyone. Yes, that's me. Yes, I have silver glittery hair. No, I don't ever want to talk about it again.

James’ funerals will be whenever I feel like organizing them. Since I had to kill him a second time - he got on his broom to take that photo, “to catch my beautiful sleeping face he said”. I'm never napping on the gras, never again - I really don't feel like throwing him a party.

With glittery hair that are admittedly starting to grow on me & wishing you a Jamesless summer, miss you always

Sirius “Padfoot” Black.

_______________________

Dear Sirius,

I don't know where to begin. Too much information, too much funny information.

Tell the Potters they have my deepest condolences. He was such a wonderful boy. I will miss him. Wherever you are James, we love you - from the bottom of our hearts.

I was thinking about what we can write on his tombstone: ‘Here lies James Fleamont Potter, beloved son, loyal friend and elegant stag.’

Oh. My. God.

The photo.

Pads, you almost look like a sweet sleepy baby. And that hair. THAT HAIR, PADS. They clash with your eyes, that's for sure.

Even if - I have to be honest with you, no color can be as bright as your eyes. Don't strut around now, I can see you. Ten points to Gryffindor for James. He should think about being a photographer one day. Good job, Prongs. Others ten points for you.

I'm eating the chocolate you sent me, right now. Fuck, Sirius. It is so good. So so so so good. You should hear me eating it. Maybe you already can. Do you hear me making these pleasure moans while I am chewing it?

This milk chocolate with coconut and caramel is heavenly, otherworldly. I can't even explain.

Thank you, Sirius. You are my best best best friend. (Don't tell James.)

That story behind the singing tulips, I think I know something. Prongs talks in his sleep and I am a light sleeper, so one night I woke up because of Prongs talking about something I couldn't catch.

So I focused and -

I'M LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW THAT I CAN BARELY WRITE STRAIGHT .

I spare you all the details about how he drooled on his pillow and how confused he was.

The story is: James was so jealous of the singing tulips. So he decided to compete with them - he knew he could sing better then them. And for weeks - I think even for months, he stood in front of them singing ‘Come on, baby, light my fire’ again and again and again. I think the tulips got mad and yelled at him. I can tell you from how he was screaming in his sleep. So, I think they keep yelling at him.

Here, another line for his tombstone: ‘The one and only man in the universe that managed to be hated by singing tulips.’

James getting screamed down by flowers while a bird follows him is really a happy thought. Reading your letters is the most beautiful time of the day, really.

The situation here is almost unbearable. They don't talk to me and I don't talk to them. They hate me and it is not even my fault. How can they not understand? It's who I am. It's who I will be. I know they think that it would be better if I died that night.

I wish you were here, you know. When you are with me every bad thing goes away.

The quote of the day:

‘No matter where you, no matter how far you run, you can't run away from yourself.’

Your,

Remus.

_______________________

Remus,

Never apologize for who you are. Never. You know how welcoming the Potters are, and me and James would love to have you here. It you need a break, if you need us, we're here. Come and visit, okay? One week, it would really do you good.

That said, we have some serious - pun fully intended - talk to do:

What the hell was that? Are we in a sexy-kind of correspondence now? Are we in a hard movie set? Are we? - Then why are you making sounds like that Moony? Is it to make me blush? It was, don't deny it.

Mom actually came to call me for dinner, just to find me blushing like a little girl - I had to listen to the birds and bees thing again, Remus. It was the single, most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me - and I remind you that I went to lessons wearing a skirt for a whole week, in second year.

And then, you sly bastard, you go on and on about my stupid eyes. My cheeks are almost purple at this point.

(And, come on. Moony your eyes are amazing, there aren't that many shades of green in the whole fuccking forest!)

James does talk in his sleep, just yesterday I heard him whisper something about freckles and breasts and I had to run away because of reasons. I don't want to think about Evans like that - and Merlin forbids the image of Prongs ever … I shiver at the mare thought.

Since you said that my stories lift your spirit and gives joy to your sleepless nights - yes, I distinctly remember reading that - I will please you with the wonderful gift of an original fairytale written by my own hand.

_Once upon a time,_

_There was a wonderful and brave knight. He had soft sandy curls and the deepest green eyes, many battles had left scars on his body; but they only made him more handsome._

_The knight was on a noble quest, just like he should: he was searching for a princess, supposed to be on a high tower, guarded by a disgusting Troll - Prongs was his name, and his smell was so pungent that the knight found the tower just following it._

_In a couple of swings of his big, big sword (I'm winking, if you can't tell) Prongs the Smelly Troll died, and Moony the Knight went to find the princess._

_But there was no princess, just another knight - admittedly the most gorgeous knight that ever existed, with the most beautiful hair; but still not a princess._

_Moony the knight, being as kind and generous as they come - and having an excellent taste in travelling companions - decided to befriend him._

_They went on many adventures together, and lived happily ever after._

_The End._

Waiting on your praise for my storytelling skills & reminding you that you have a place here with us, disgustings amount of love

Sirius.

_______________________

Pads,

I really want to go there - with you, to be with you and James, but I can't leave mum alone. I think I freaked out a bit in my last letter. I was angry with dad - he kept staring at me and yelling at mum and I snapped. I feel so bad when sometimes I hate them both, because my mum really loves me and I know she always will. It's a bad period between them - they scream at each other every day, and I know I am the reason for it. But she is so happy when I am around, you know, she smiles at me like I am the best thing ever happened in her life. I will feel guilty leaving her here alone with him if I can stay here.

This morning she made me my favorite cookies, the ones with the chocolate chip and crumbled nut. I want to learn how to do them. Will you eat my cookies? I can swear to you that I am not going to poison them. Pinky promise. Cross my heart.

Uh, if we were on an adult movie set, we would be naked. When your letter arrived I just got out of the shower. Now I have only a towel around my hips, so I am technically naked, don't you think?

Now it depends on you. Are you naked? But if you are not, you can always take off your clothes.

Okay, I assume we are both naked now, but this does not mean we are in an adult movie. You know, if we don't touch each other or do other things… Yeah, I think Euphemia told you about this sort of thing already.

I love making you blush. You are all composed and elegant and suddenly an orrible red covers your white, aristocratic cheeks. Adorable.

I can tell you, your story does not convince me. You are a princess, Pads. All you have to do is put on lipstick - a soft pink will be great on your skin, and then you are perfect. You are not that kind of princess who needs a kiss to wake up, right? Because I don't know if I can do this. If you promise me you will brush your teeth before I come - or someone brushes them for you since you are sleeping, I can think about it. Only because it's you, because I will never kiss James… or Peter. Oh my God, I have the image of Peter's lips stuck in my head. I have to vomit. I'll be right back.

James talked about freckles and breasts in his sleep? You are lucky - at least he doesn't scream “COME ON BABY LIGHT MY FIIIIIRE’

Quote of the day: 

‘When a man looks at the stars, he grows calm and forgets small things. They answer his questions and show him that his earth is only one of the million worlds. Hold your soul still and look upward often, and you will understand their speech. Never forget the stars.’

Always yours,

Moony.

_______________________

Moons,

I love your Mom, and her cookies are the very best - if you even do menage to make them, I will doubtlessly eat them. I would never refuse free food, you know me.

I would, admittedly, also be a wonderful princess - it must be the hair.

(Yes, I have noted your liking to torture me. No, I'm not blushing right now.)

We went to the lake today - you remember it: that slightly bigger than average pod of dirty looking water, surprisingly far from James’ house? That one.

I must admit, boredom is starting to get to us. And Mom threatened to kill us more in the last few days than ever before. It was only logical to escape for a while.

We had fun. We kind of froze our bits - forgot swimsuits, swam in the nude, lake is always surprisingly colder than you expect.

At some point Prongs started talking about Evans, and I pondered feeding him mud to make him shut up; but then he started to make sense, and things got weird.

Kind of weird? Weird in a weird way? Like: he really likes Evans. Not in the I want in her pants, but not the I want to give you flowers and shit way either. It was. It was the I want to spend the rest of my life with your way.

And that freaks me out. How do you even do that? Doesn't it scare the shit out of you?

But James said that it doesn't scare him one bit, not even if she never really likes him back: he said that he loves her, even if she doesn't love him back. And that scares me even more.

Shit. I don't know what's wrong with me today hahahaha - I must have gotten the weird from Prongs, that contagious prat.

Anyway, Mom made muffins. The chocolate ones, with chocolate chips and chocolate filling that you would “willingly die for” - quoted verbatim.

I sent you a couple, don't worry - No, Callidora won't eat them. She had her fill already.

Waiting for more nerdy quotes & eating chocolate muffins, stay safe

Padfoot.

_______________________

Wonderful Princess,

seriously? Callidora ate half of one of my muffins! I can't believe it. She is a fucking fat pig. Are we serious about this? What if I were pregnant and I wanted a muffin? She is an abomination. I'm so hurt and insulted that I don't know if I will be able to forgive her. I don't think I will. I don't think I'll want to.

The lake. I love that lake. It is so peaceful and calming and there are all of those trees and wind blows slightly through them.

Poor Euphemia, I understand her. I know it's not easy dealing with you two 24 hours a day. It can be exasperating. It can give you a severe headache. It can give to you the desire of killing someone - maybe exactly you two.

She has all my compassion.

Euphemia, stay strong. I know it can be hard, but stay strong. They are your sons and I know it is not so easy but try not to kill them. I would miss them too much.

I know it's weird, but the idea of spending my entire life with someone doesn't scare the shit out of me. I think it's kind of… heartwarming, you know. Be with someone who understands you, doesn't judge you, something like this. I like to think there is someone for me and only me, somewhere out there.

Someone who can numb the pain, who can look at my scars without shivering.

I think I like the idea of taking care of someone until the end, someone to fight with - side by side.

Someone to wake up with and who can smile at me even if it's early morning and my hair is a disaster and my face is a mess.

I knew you love my quotes and - here for you, the quote of the day:

‘It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.’

Yours,

Remi.

_______________________

Heiya Moony!

How’s your summer going? Mine was going great, until Sirius got in one of his moods: he has been Padfoot for a couple of days - changing only to eat basically, I think mom and dad are starting to notice.

Got any idea what's up? You know what, don't worry about it. The full is tomorrow, after all. I'll figure Sirius out, you take care of yourself.

Stay safe,

Prongs.

\-----------------------

Dear Remus,

How was the full? Okay, stupid question. I hope Moony went easy on you last night - you say the first moon away from school is always the hardest.

I'm sorry I didn't write lately. I got too into my head a bit, needed to figure some stuff out. I'm sorry, really. I'll do better next moon - I just wish we could have been there, I watched the moon all night.

Well, to help you get away from boredom in your after moon bed days, here's a little fairytale for you:

_Once upon a time,_

_There was a prince, trapped in a tower. And for how much he wanted to escape the tower, he never could._

_It wasn't like there weren't doors, and stairs, and windows; but none of them was the way out._

_He tried the door, and got in another room; he tried the stairs, and got in the basement; he wanted to try the window, but he was never brave enough._

_He saw the world from the window: trees, lakes, birds and stones. But most of all he saw the sky, a moonless sky full of shiny stars: he could never see the moon from his tower, and he always wanted to._

_The prince wanted to go out, but he didn't. Would the moon be there, if he did get out of the tower? Should he really try the window?_

_______________________

James,

Everything is alright here. You know, the same.

I don't know what is going on with Sirius, he didn't tell me anything. Sorry.

Take care of yourself,

Remus.

\---------------

Sirius,

Is everything alright? I was so worried that you didn't write to me for three day. I know it's not a big deal, but I was used to hearing from you every day. Are you okay? Something happened? You know you can talk to me about everything. Please, don't shut me out.

The full moon has been bad. Really bad. Moony misses his pack - especially his Padfoot. He was so angry that I wasn't able to control him, even before the full moon. I was so scared. I've never seen him so angry before. I was really scared. I thought I wouldn't make it.

Maybe also my head was fucked up.

He hurt me badly. He left me three more scars - they are still bleeding. Two on my chest and one on my left arm. They hurt so much. Why do they hurt so much?

Shit, Sirius, I can't even think straight right now.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

_______________________

Remus,

I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so fucking sorry you can't even. I didn't want to worry you, and I didn't want to leave you alone, I'm sorry. I swear I didn't want to hurt you, I'm sorry.

Listen I. Nothing happened, okay? And it's no one's fault but mine. But I'm not ready to talk about it, not yet.

Okay, I will make you a promise - a real one: I won't shut you out, never again. I don't think I can tell you what's up with me - I don't even really know myself, at this point. But I promise I will talk to you, I will send you a letter, even just a few words to tell you I can't talk.

I'm just so used to having you around, in real life: if I need to be Padfoot for a while I just do it, but I still come to you or James to be petted. But you're not here, and I can't do that.

The only way to let you know that I'm here and I still love you is to send you a letter, even if it's - I won't shut you out, I will talk to you. I promise.

It's just that seeing those letters, writing them - I keep talking to you like normal, but on paper it looks like more.

I miss you. Even saying that feels weird on paper.

But I do. And I love you, and I'm sorry. So, I already promised that I won't do it again - I promise - can you forgive me, Moony?

I will do better, and we can go back to talking like always - just like it always has been, I promise, but I won't disappear on you.

Hoping you will forgive me & missing you always, I'm sorry

Sirius.

_______________________

Sirius,

I'm sorry. I love you too, and I am sorry. I didn't want you to feel guilty. Everything is alright now. I'm better and I want you to be better too.

Please, breathe. In and out. In and out. I know you are hyperventilating now, but everything is okay. I promise. There is nothing to forgive, I swear. I'm okay, we are okay.

If you were here now, I'd hug you so tight - so tight, and I will never let you go.

Can you feel my arms around you?

I can feel your head against my chest.

I'm stroking your hair right now and I'm telling you everything is going to be fine.

Please, believe me.

I love you.

If there is something you don't want to tell me - or you are not ready to tell me yet, I can understand you. When you'll be ready, I'm here - I'm there. I will always be with you, no matter what.

If there is something I can do to make you feel better, I will. I could do everything for you.

Quote of the day - again:

‘All men have stars, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems... But all these stars are silent. You - you alone, will have stars as no one else has them. ‘

You are my star, Sirius.

With all the love I have,

Remus.

_______________________

Mooooooonyyyyyy,

You sweet, amazing man - you kind, wonderful, beautiful, celestial human being, you. I'm so happy to hear from you! I missed you so much, and you splendid, pure soul forgave me, so now the world is beautiful and life has meaning ecc. Yes, I'm really happy today - does it show?

The Potters took us in the city today. Well, muggle village: the cutest little spot rear the river, with old red brick houses and many people. Really a lot of people, way more than I expected. The Market was almost like Diagon Alley sunday morning, just without any magic at all.

The fish store was disgusting: the smell almost made me barf, not kidding. The fruit and vegetable stands were amazing though, all the smells and the colors - I sent you a photo of that, so you can see it and agree with me. And then a flower shop that was even better - I took a photo of that too, and I'm sending it. There was also a little library, really old looking and almost hidden away, and it smelled like the Hogwarts library and it reminded me of you - I wanted to get you a little present, but I really don't know my way around muggle books. I sent you a photo of the library too, just because.

So, we buyed flowers and I made a flower crown for myself - James so kindly took a photo of me wearing it, so you can tell me how talented I am.

And since I couldn't find a book to give you, I made you a flower crown too: will you consider taking a photo of yourself wearing it? - or just a photo of yourself? I kinda miss your face.

And we made orange juice - without magic! Just with our hands and our own hands, and it was amazing! And also surprisingly tiring, and our hands got all sticky. We added a lot of sugar, and it was almost good. You know I don't even like oranges, so it's progress!

I'm also sending some chocolate! Your favourite and orange chocolate - an abomination, I know, but still on point.

Hoping Callidora won't drop anything & wishing you'll like your flower crown, lots of love

Padfoot.

_______________________

Pads,

Callidora didn't drop anything. That's a miracle.

I'm eating right now - yes, while I am writing to you (you know, some people are multifunctionals), the orange chocolate, and I have to say that it is so so good.

This taught me an important lesson: all chocolate is a good chocolate.

Don't you dare ever again discriminate against chocolate. Never again.

Pads, you are fabulous with that flower crown. Now you are a real princess. Those fleur-de-lis are beautiful on your black hair, you know.

And the flower crown you send to me? Cherry blossoms? Really? Do you think I am a cherry blossom guy? Yeah, maybe.

Okay, I'll send you a photo of me with this flower crown. Don't you dare laugh at me. If you do, I will know.

Shit, Sirius. The library. Is a fucking dream. When I die, bury me in that library, please.

You made orange juice? Without magic? I can see you covered with juice - even in your eyes, and screaming ’BURNS! PRONGS HELP ME! I'M DYING!’

I know, it's pretty accurate.

You drama queen.

I'll send you a photo of Adolf. While I was taking it, he kept saying ‘NEIN! NEIN! NEIN!’. It's weird, isn't it? So you think I need to call an exorcist? Do you know a cheap one?

I'll also send you the cookies - with chocolate chips, that I made with my very own hands, and they are delicious. Believe me. They are delicious.

I'm reading a new book now, Dogsbody.

The plot is:

‘The Dog Star, Sirius, is tried for murder by his heavenly peers and found guilty. His sentence: to be reborn on Earth as a dog.’

Brilliant, isn't it?

Quote of the day:

‘And when the event, the big change in your life, is simply an insight - isn't that a strange thing? That absolutely nothing changes except that you see things differently and you're less fearful and less anxious and generally stronger as a result: isn't amazing that a completely invisible thing in your head can feel realer than anything you've experienced before? You see things more clearly and you know that you are seeing them more clearly.’

I'm happy too, today. I figured out something in my head - something that scared me, and I accepted it. I have only to deal with it for the rest of my life, but it's okay, it is not a bad thing.

I love you.

Yours,

Moony.

_______________________

Dearest Moonypie,

You look stunning - the pink of the flowers on your sandy hair look amazing, you're almost unreal. Like: I stared at that photo for 300 million years, and then I had to find a proper frame and hang it. It's actually on my nightstand right now, you're way too beautiful Moony.

I loved the cookies, almost as much as the photo - well not really, the photo is unbeatable; but I did learn to never disrespect chocolate again. A wise man warned me, with an almost scary fervor.

I SAW THE DAMN FISH REMUS: HE DIDN'T DESERVE IT! He looks like a fine, blameless, good fish. I do admit that you can see a slight resemblance to that Nazi bitch - but only because you pointed it out! I would have never seen it! Poor little guy, really.

I'm happy you liked the library, maybe one day you can see for yourself - I'm going back there soon, I have to see this book of yours with my own eyes. Dogsbody - puff! It can't be real.

We helped Mr. Potter fix the roof today - with magic of course, but we still had to do a lot of things. And at some point me and Prongs decided to find out who could lift more bricks barehanded - It was not me, but I will get my revenge. Mom took a photo of us, at that point I was already pouting and Prongs was smiling like the idiot he is - don't mind the sweat and the lack of shirts, mom says we look manly.

This summer - with long, happy days and smiles, and letters from you - almost feels like it doesn't even come from the same book. Like my whole life was in one book, chapter after chapter till the start of this summer, and then the author wrote this one, only to realise it didn't really fit with the rest. Maybe, it really could be the first chapter of a whole new book - sometimes having closed the first one seems unreal.

I'm still sweaty and shirtless, and the sun is going down, and I already finished your cookies but I'm still hungry. So shower and dinner might be a good idea.

Still looking at your beauty & still amazed by it, loving you more and more every time I look at it

Your Loving Padfoot.

_______________________

Paddy,

I'm drunk, like no drunk drunk drunk, but drunk drunk. Drunk enough. Enough drunk to be drunk.

And I'm so happy, soooo sooooooo happy. Can you see my happiness? Of course you caaaan!

Sirius, Padfoot, Pads, Paddy, Siriiiii, how handsome and wonderful and beautiful you are in this photo! Like so so so beautiful. How can you be so white? And your skin so perfect? You look like a porcelain doll.

Can I brush your hair? I'd like to brush your hair. Save me Paaaaaddyyyyy!

Start your new book with me, Pads. We can write all the chapters together. Do you want to write them with me? We can also give names to each chapter, like:

1st chapter - Sirius and Remus

2nd chapter - Moony and Padfoot

3rd chapter - Siri and Remi

4th chapter - Pads and Moons

5th chapter - Sirius e Moony

5th chapter - Paddy e Remus

And sooo many other chapters.

Yes! YES! Do you like them?

You are still shirtless? Really? Shirtless shirtless? Oh my God! You want me dead. Be honest. You are so damn hot! Fucking hot!

Now wait. I'm going to find a quote of the daaaay. Wait for me. Never let it be said that drunk Remus is not a good Remus. Drunk Remus is always a good Remus.

Here I am again. The quote of the day:

‘Come, gentle night. Come, loving, black-browed night. Give me my Romeo and - when I shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night.’

I have already told you that you are beautiful? So beautiful, Paddy. Beautiful like no one. Beautiful like the stars. You are a star, don't you? The most beautiful and bright star of the sky and the world and the universe. Beautiful like I can't look at you too much. Beautiful like all the beautiful things in the world. Beautiful beautiful.

And I love you because you are Sirius. How can I not love you? You are you!

Miss you Paddy, so so so so much.

Always, but always always, yours,

Remus.

_______________________

Moooooony,

Oh Sweet Merlin, what the fuck, I can't stop laughing. I've got cramps, Moony - but I still can't stop. James definitely thinks I finally got to the deep end, but I really genuinely can not stop laughing. Remus you’re killing me here, with laughter induced belly cramps. Oh Merlin, that was simply gold.

First things first: IT'S A FISH MOONY! IT CANNOT DO ANYTHING TO YOU! IT PHYSICALLY CANNOT DO SHIT!

So even in the remote possibility that your fish became sentient enough to have homicidal thoughts about you, it COULDN'T ANYTHING ABOUT IT! A fish has no way to harm you: you are human, superior intelligence and actually able to live outside of a water bawl, what the fuck - and let's not even consider how much of a threat that nazi fish could even be once a month, lets not. THE FISH CAN'T KILL YOU!

So, yes. I've laughed for two thousand years about that fish of yours. I'm actually still laughing - James might be a tiny bit offended, since I won’t show him the letter.

(Don't worry, your rather embarrassing fear of nazi fishes is safe with me)

Damn, Moony, I’m hot? Really, am I hot? Merlin, I can't stop blushing - don't laugh, okay? Being called hot it's kind of… I don't know. Third year chicks whisper I'm hot when I pass them, I guess. But that’s different? They don't know me, you know. Most of the time they just annoy me - all the time, actually.

Okay, listen: there's something I want to ask you? No, there’s something I want - I have to - say. It's important, but also weird - and I don't want you to hate me, and no one else can know. But I have to, I need to say it.

Here we go: I don't think I like girls. Like, I don't find them hot. At all. I kissed a couple, snogged a couple but it didn't really mean anything - I don't think I felt what I was supposed to feel: I liked it okay, but I wasn't … really into it?

(I don't know, my head is fucked up - if it freaks you out, ignore it. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. Just ignore it, okay?)

Why were you so shitfaced anyway? Aren't you at home with your parents? Are you actually to an illegal rave in the worst farms of Wells? What happened to your innocence Moony?

Thanking you for the once-in-a-lifetime laugh & and hoping to find you sober, always yours

Pads.

_______________________

Sirius,

I don't remember almost anything of what I wrote to you in my last letter, but I can surely say you almost died from laughing. This hangover is killing me. My head is going to explode in a hundred pieces. I have never been so wasted in my entire life, never.

Basically, I was having dinner with mum and dad, and they were shouting at each other, and that red wine was so good. Since they didn't want me to talk or try to calm them down, I stayed there watching them yell and drinking wine. From that terrible headache I have, I can tell you - with absolute clarity, they fought for a very long time.

And of course dad blamed me. Like always.

You don't even know how many ways a fish has to kill a man. Adolf could compel me with his pretty face to stick my head into his water bubble and drown me. Or he could communicate telepathically with all his fish friends and do an ambush to me. Or he could bring a knife from the kitchen and stab me. He could - he can, kill me and I am afraid. Stop making a fool out of me, really, it's not fun. At all.

On my desk I found Romeo and Juliet opened. I think I wrote you a quote from it. The quote was totally out of context, wasn't it?

Sirius, I'm glad you decided to tell me this. It didn't freak me out, really. I think it is normal, you know, some people like boys and some people like girls. You can be with anyone you want, because I only want you to be happy. It's this the only thing that matters. If you are happy then I am happy. I know it is not easy in these times to be a man who likes men, I think you know it, and I think it is the reason why you didn't tell your doubts sooner. But I understand you and I am with you, no matter what.

I won't tell anyone about this. If you want to keep it secret because you're not ready yet to tell, then I get it. But if you don't want to tell this because you are ashamed, then no, you don't have to be ashamed of anything. You are not wrong and you will never be. You are just you, you are just Sirius - my Sirius. Nothing has changed.

The quote of the day:

‘My skin is kind of sort of brownish pinkish yellowish white. My eyes are greyish blueish green, but I'm told they look orange in the night. My hair is reddish blondish brown, but its silver when its wet, and all the colors I am inside have not been invented yet.’

I miss you so much, hot boy.

I love you. Yours,

Remus.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Moons,

Today Mom and Dad went to visit some distant relative, far away somewhere, so me and Prongs changed and spent all day in the woods - making friends with squirrels and waking poor owls up. We really had fun, and now I'm dead tired.

(But I didn't feel like not writing to you: this is like talking to you, and I always want to talk to you. Always, Moony - and I feel like I have a lot to say too, about you know what)

I never said I liked men. I maybe don't like girls, but. That's too much Moony, I don't know if I can handle it.

Moony, I'm an orphan. My parents threw me out and disinherited me, just because I am me. If what I am is also… and the Potters find out. I can't lose another family, Moons. I just can't.

That's what I thought, but then you.

You don't remember it, but you said something in your letter - the one where you were so incredibly, impossibly drunk.

You wrote: And I love you because you are Sirius. How can I not love you? You are you!

And Moony, this one sentence is the only thing that is keeping me from thinking that maybe my parents were right after all. So I have to ask you this, and you have to be honest: did you mean it?

This is not a funny letter, I know. And I know I'm putting a lot of pressure on you, but you said you're okay with it. And I'm not ready to say it but if I am that way and at least it's okay with you. Then maybe it's not that bad - maybe Prongs will be okay too, maybe he won't feel disgusted by me, tell his parents and the whole school, and I won't be homeless and expelled.

I'm sorry. But this is really hard for me - thank you for saying that it doesn't matter, that you love me because I am me and not despite it.

Hoping you'll answer my question honestly & wishing for an answer soon, thank you

Sirius.

P.S. You did quote Romeo and Juliet to me:

‘Come, gentle night. Come, loving, black-browed night. Give me my Romeo and - when I shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night.’

_______________________

Sirius,

I might not remember those words, but they are mine - I know, because it is what I think.

I love you, Sirius, and I love you because you always see the good in everyone, because you always have a smile for everyone - always a smile for me. I love you because you are scared of storms, because you sneak in my bed and shake between my arms.

I love you because you are fragile, but you will never break. I love you because you wipe my tears and stroke my hair. I love you because you are short and you disappear in my sweater when I hold you to my chest. I love you because you are stupid and a drama queen, but you will always make me laugh.

I love you because your skin is so white that - when you return from matches and training, you look like a painting, with those blue, purple and red, old and new bruises. I love you because your laugh starts in your heart and arrives in your eyes. I love you because - after every full moon, I wake up with your head on my leg and your hand holding mine.

I love you because you are the brightest star of my sky. I love you because - since I’ve met you, the moon is less scary. I love you because - when you hug me, I can feel your bones inside my bones. I love you, Sirius, because you are you, and this will never change.

And I'm not saying all of this because you are sad or confused. I'm saying this because, every morning when I wake up, I thank a God in which I don't believe either, for letting me know you.

I can't end a letter without a quote, so:

‘I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.’

Yours,

Remus.

_______________________

My Dearest Moony,

(Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You don't know how much that letter means to me, Remus - It lives under my pillow now, and I'm not even ashamed of it. Thank you, really)

Now, you will never believe what happened.

So, it was morning and we were all having breakfast - blueberry pancakes and orange juice, you would have liked it - and Garrett, the Potters owl arrives with the dailypaper, like every other morning. But then, there's another owl.

And Moony, I swear Jaimie-boy almost had a heart attack when he realized: it was Evans’ owl. He screamed, he paled, he got really red in the face - it was hilarious, I almost got blue in the face to keep the laughter in.

But then! There was one more owl - never seen it before, but it had a letter with Dumbledore's seal on it. Prongs, being the stupid idiot he is, couldn't wait to open Evans's letter, and ignored the Hogwarts one - even if it was directed specifically to him.

So, Jaimie opens the letter and it says, literally:

Potter,

If this is a prank, I will kill you. If it isn't, do your best not to get killed this year - because I will kill you, have no doubt.

Lily Evans.

So I was laughing - because who sends an all letter only filled with death threats, without even explaining the main reason why? I swear Evans can be incredibly funny sometimes - and James is still looking at the letter, wide eyed and unblinking - and looking so happy one could even imagine Evans just declared her undying love for him.

Then, after he kissed the damn letter two thousand times and declared it sacred to the whole humanity, Prongsie finally remembers he received another letter.

So he opens it and - Moony, go sit down if you aren't already - it says:

I'm happy to blah blah blah, given your new found maturity blah blah bla, we decided blah blah blah, YOU ARE HEAD BOY.

REMUS! JAMES IS HEAD BOY! And Evans is Head Girl, hence the letter. I still can't believe it - we celebrated with your gillyweed, the one you so kindly gifted to us. Into the endless night, when mom and dad went to bed. It was grand, I'm sending photographic proof.

(Yes, I'm pretty stoned right about now)

Thanking you again & loving you a bit more for every word you wrote me, yours always

Sirius.

_Photo n.1 - James’ back, shirtless, arms wide, looking at the sky. Taken by Sirius_

_Photo n.2 - Sirius, also shirtless, sitting on the grass, smiling up at the camera. Taken by James._

_Photo n.3 - James smiling stupidly at the camera, a paper crown on his head. Taken by Sirius._

_Photo n.4 - Sirius’ hand, nail painted black, holding the joint, with the half moon behind his hand. Taken by Sirius._

_Photo n.5 - Sirius's face, really close up, smirking mischievously at the camera. Taken by Sirius._

_______________________

Pads,

I'm laughing so hard right now. Lily is such a delicate flower when she talks about James. What a girl she is.

HEAD BOY? JAMES? Dumbledore definitely lost his mind this time. You know, right, what he might do now? I'm scared, I'm really scared. A bird feather is more responsible than James. I’m shocked. I think the world does not deserve James as Head Boy.

I'm joking, tell Prongs that I am so proud of him. I know I will regret this, but tell him that I received a letter from Lily this morning. She said that she was so happy to be a Head Girl and also that she didn't understand why Potter (I could read the contempt in her words) was Head Boy. But then - and read me carefully, she said that if Dumbledore was sure of it maybe - and I underline maybe there was something good in his head full of shit.

So, give to James my congratulations and tell him that no, Lily doesn't want to marry him, yet.

Let me get this straight, I wrote to you a declaration of love and you put my letter under your pillow, forced it to stay under your dickhead all night? I’m deeply offended, Pads.

(I love you, dickhead, and I'm so happy to hear you calmer than the last time.)

You smoked all the gillyweed, didn't you? Shame on you, and shame on James.

The photos, Sirius. You look like two real tossers - two really sweet tossers. Your smile, Sirius, I love it. You are so wonderful when you are happy. And that sensual smirk? Are you trying to seduce me? I don't know if it's working or not. Keep trying and I will tell you for sure.

I have to tell you: so punk with that nail polish!

Blueberry pancakes and orange juice? I would have liked it? Seriously? And the chocolate? Breakfast must start with chocolate. It must.

I'm sending you this new chocolate flavor I brought this morning. Eat it and tell me if you cannot taste heaven.

Quote of the day:

‘There’s a pattern. Never, never doubt that there’s a pattern. There’s a pattern always. Everywhere. In everyone.’

Yours,

Moony.

_______________________

Dear Mr. Moony,

I heard a challenge, and you know I can't possibly back down - you don't know if it's working or not, nh? You brought this onto yourself.

Oh! The chocolate you sent me it's amazing, by the way. But with this hot, hot weather it is impossible to eat it without getting it all over the place. Like all over my fingers, and I don't have any tissues on my bed: what should I do Moony? Oh! I know!

_Polaroid: Sirius on the bed, biting the tip of a chocolate covered middle finger. Taken from above, by Sirius._

The chocolate was really good, but now I'm really thirsty! Tragic! Maybe some lemon tea will help the thirst - or maybe it won't, I’m not sure that's what I'm craving?

The weather is really killing me, I'm gonna lose my shirt - you don't mind, do you Moony? I'm sweating so much, it's killing me

_Polaroid: Taken from afar, but still in line with the bed. Sirius, shirtless and face down on the bed, legs in the air and hair falling on his shoulders, smirking deviously._

My hair - you said you wanted to brush them once, but you probably don't remember - are so in the way. In this weather it is impossible to manage: should I cut it, Moons? No? - then I'll need to at least put them up.

And I need a smoke, badly.

_Polaroid: Sirius near the window, shirtless, holding his hair with a hand, holding a cigarette with the other, and blowing the smoke out of the window. Winking at the camera, lips pursed_.

…

Tell me again how you're not sure if it's working, Moony. I dare you.

Going back to Prongs: IT WILL BE AMAZING! THE LAW CAN'T TOUCH US ANYMORE! If stupid Prongs doesn't get convinced that he has to be a good boy for Evans. Pray for our sakes, Moony.

Never be said I back down from a challenge & expecting your sincerest apologies - how dare you underestimate my ability to seduce, really - love you always

Your Sexy Sirius

_______________________

Dear Sexy Sirius,

okay, you are sexy, but you already knew this, don't you?

Polaroid number one: come on, Pads, you can do better than this. Your middle finger covered in chocolate? Really? It's the best you can do? Maybe - and I say maybe, if you put more than a finger in your mouth - maybe three, deep in your mouth, I can think about it.

Polaroid number two: you really think that I can be seduced like a stupid girl? You really think you can seduce me with your body, your after sex hair and your beautiful porn face? Bitch, please. At least open your mouth, you know, like you can't breathe from pleasure.

Polaroid number three: yeah, you have your charm, I admit. But - there is always a but with you, you can't seduce me only with your charm. If you unbutton your pants and close your eyes - like you are going to moan, it'll be better.

Here, let me teach you. Lie down on the bed, torso half up. Your after sex hair will be fine. Now, close your eyes a little and bite your lower lip. Unbutton your pants and lower them just a little bit and put your hand in them, like you are going to touch yourself. Put your free hand on the base of your neck and press a little. Now you are perfect.

And, if you want to seduce me without photographs, talk dirty to me.

Quote of the day:

‘I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.’

Your almost seduced Remus.

_______________________

Dear Master,

I have to admit my defeat: just reading what you wrote made me blush like the hopeless princess you insist I look like - you know you have a talent for porn, right? Knowing the size of you, I would advise you to consider a career as an actor for adult movies. But then your literary talent would go totally wasted - erotica writer?

Moony. There's no way I can talk dirty. I blushed just thinking about it. It's the most unnerving part of the whole sex thing, like: how vulgar is too vulgar? What if I say something that is just hot for me? What if I say something embarrassing and they laugh?

I couldn't take it, Moony. The stress sucks all the fun away - but I must admit: you are pretty good at it.

(Where did you learn? Is there an elective course at Hogwarts that I know nothing about?)

You said things like that. Like, you said exactly what you like and how you like it. I hope you were at least blushing while writing that - my face is on fire right now, just remembering it.

I also reached a conclusion, about what I like. I like men. That way - maybe it's not that big of a surprise, at this point. But I needed to say it, and you are the only one that gets me - I don't know if you really do, actually. But you don't judge me: you may not have the same - taste? Inclination toward men? - but you still love me. And I love you for that, I really do.

(Just checking: now that I said it, is it still okay to talk like this? About sex and stuff? It doesn't make you uncomfortable?)

Appreciating your many sexy talents & sending you a little present, yours always

Still Sexy As Hell Sirius.

_Photo - Sirius. Lying on the bed, torso half up. Sex hair, eyes half closed, biting his lower lip. Pants unbuttoned, hand in. The other hand to the base of his neck, eyes on the camera - he moves the hand._

_Written on the back:_

_“Am I perfect now?”_

_______________________

Sirius,

fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. The photo was really necessary? Like, and I should do adult films? Did you look at yourself? You are porn made real. Were you touching yourself looking at me in the eyes? What a naughty boy. You deserve a punishment, you know? Just to let you know how to be a good pup. Maybe some spanking?

Knowing the size of me? Did you get a good look at me, uh? Do you want to get a better look? I am thinking about sending you a photograph of it, but I think it doesn't fit in such a small space.

Erotica writer, yeah I like it. I can think about it, but only if I have you as my muse. You are inspiring and hot as hell.

I'm totally comfortable talking about sex and stuff with you, don't worry. The fact that you like men, doesn't change anything. I love you and I will always love you, no matter what.

I never thought about who I like - maybe because I am me. I never thought about the possibility of a relationship with anyone. Think about it, who would like to be with a werewolf? Who would like to be with a person that once a month becomes a monster? Who would like to be with a person that could kill you in the blink of an eye? Being with someone means that I have to lie to them or that I have to tell them everything. Can you imagine it? ‘Hi, I am Remus John Lupin and when I was four years old I was bitten by a werewolf. He almost killed me, but unfortunately I survived and now I am a werewolf myself. I am a normal person, but I have countless scars all over my body, and - once a month, I could rip you apart. My mum thinks that I am broken inside and my dad thinks I am a heartless monster. Would you like to kiss me?’

To answer your implied question, I think I like both? I don't think it makes a difference. Maybe I like a little more men? I don't know, I'm thinking about this right now. I don't deserve to be loved, Sirius, so what is the point about thinking what I like?

You little pup are afraid to talk dirty? May I try to make you scream dirty things to me?

Quote of the day:

‘It's like when something is staring at you in the face. And you are too blind to see it.’

Another quote of the day:

‘We know what we are, but know not what we may be.’

I love you so much.

Your master, dirty talker, erotica writer and big cock owner, Remus.

_______________________

Remus,

You know I'm not good with feelings, so I'm going to steal your words: I love you because you are Remus. You can't say shit like I don't deserve to be loved because, Moony: I already love you so much.

Who wouldn't want to be with you? You are the strongest person I know, and you're loyal and kind - and sarcastic, and funny and so much more. And you're so damn hot. You don't see it, I know you don't; but, Moony if only you could see yourself like I do: you're tall and wide shouldered, and your hair and eyes are to die for, and your smile - Remus your smile takes my breath away.

I love your scars - even If you hate them. The one on your face stretches when you smile. The countless ones on your back look like a vine, the tangent proof of your strength. Your arms are covered in them, and they only make them look even stronger.

(And well your - I did get a good look. It's really, really big. If you advertise it, people will want to jump on it. Literally - yes, I'm blushing. No, I can't say more about it.)

Moony you are beautiful, inside and out - so, what monster? The big, old, battered dog that Pads plays with once a month? The only thing that you are, Moony, is the strongest person I know - the monster you talk about is the pain, the pain you have to go through every month.

I know you're scared of that side of you, but for me it's still you and I love it all the same.

That said.

Spanking? Making me scream?! Oh Merlin, Moony - how can you write that?! I couldn't even look at anyone in the eyes after reading that, I was afraid they could see the dirty shit I have been reading - If nothing else? People are going to want you just for the shit you can write. Merlin, my face is on fire.

Reminding you the you are the strongest person I know & that I love you because you are my Moony, many kisses

Your Blushing Sirius.

_Photo - Close up of Sirius’ face, from above, hair everywhere, cheeks red and eyes watery. Mouth open, like he can't breathe from pleasure - the lips open and close, like he is panting._

_Written on the back:_

_“Like this, Moony?”_

_______________________

Pup,

I can hear you panting in my ear and I can feel you breathing on my neck. Are you turned on? Because I can see it in your eyes. Don't look at me like this…

And these red cheeks - you are adorable, pup.

If I knew that it was so easy to make you blush and shut your mouth, I would have done this sooner. Or would you like to shut your mouth with something else? Are you embarrassed while you are reading this?

Yes, make you scream. Do you think I'm not capable of? I could make you scream so loud that your throat will hurt. I think I could even make you cry, from pleasure. There are so many things I could discover of your body to drive you crazy. There is something you would like me to do to you? To your body?

Be honest with me, pup, do you like it when I talk to you like this?

Sirius, I know you love me - I really do, but you don't love me like that, nobody will love me like that. Don't get me wrong, I love you - you are really the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am so lucky to have you.

You are the only one who sees these things of me - in me. You know what other people see? A sad miserable person, with a dark past and an even darker future. But I am not unhappy, because I have you. It's just that no one will ever love me like that, no one will look at me like there is only me, and it hurts sometimes. But it's fine, I accept it. I figured this out a long time ago.

I'm not strong, Sirius. Maybe my mum is right, maybe I am really broken inside. Maybe one day I will fall apart, maybe one day I will crack in a million pieces.

Quote of the day:

‘The human heart has hidden treasures, In secret kept, in silence sealed; The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, Whose charms were broken if revealed.’

So pup, do I deserve another photo in the next letter?

I definitely like this photo.

Yours,

Moony.

_______________________

Dear Moony,

I'm not good with feelings, but I have been told that I'm pretty okay with fairytales.

_Once upon a time_

_There was a boy, and no matter how many years have passed, how many mirrors and lakes he tried, he could never see himself._

_People tried to tell him how he was: some said his hair were good, and some bad; some that his nose was big, others small; some said he was ugly, and others did not - At some point, he stopped asking._

_Once upon a time_

_There was a boy, and no matter how many times he tried, how much farther he travelled, he could never see people's faces._

_People scorned him, because they thought it impossible: if you can see everything else, why not the faces? Because people wear masks, he used to say - then, at some point, he stopped saying it._

_Once upon a time_

_Two boys met and the first boy saw his face reflected in the other for the first time, the second saw someone else's face for the first time. The second boy could only see the first boy's face, and it was the most beautiful thing he ever saw: he was the only one he could see - The first, didn't recognise his own face and, not finding it particularly beautiful or interesting, walked away._

(Don’t walk away from me, not because you can't see your worth)

Hoping any of this makes even a little sense & reminding you that I do love you, yours

Sirius.

_Photo - taken from afar. Sirius, completely naked on the bed, legs spread open and knees up. One hand covering the space between his legs, the other covering his mouth. Face flushed, hair everywhere, watery eyes fixed on the camera._

_Written on the back:_

_“I won't lie to you - but this is me, this is what you do to me._

_If I read it all wrong, and that's not at all what you want… just ignore me, I will understand. And love you just the same.”_

_______________________

Sirius,

Sirius, Sirius, Sirius, Sirius, I could never get tired of saying your name. Do you hear how it sounds? Do you see how my lips seem like they are blowing a kiss on the r?

Please, don't hold back. Don't say you didn't mean it, don't say it was a mistake. Please, please, Sirius. I won't walk away from you,I can't walk away from you.

I'm in love with you. Maybe I fell in love with you the second I saw you and I didn't know. But I do know now, and I can't lie to myself anymore, and not even to you.

I don't know if you are sure, but I am, I can feel it. I can feel you inside me, I can feel you around me, you are everywhere.

Loving you makes me feel good, like it's full moon and I am not scared, like the world is falling apart but I have you, like it is cold outside but inside is warm, like it's raining and getting wet doesn't feel bad.

God, Sirius, I have this photo - you, burned in my head. You are beautiful like this - you are always beautiful, but like this - shit, you make me cry. I want to come to you and hold you tight and cover your body with mine. Shit, Sirius - shit, I can't think about anything but you.

If I were there - God, Sirius, I don't even know what I could do to you. Maybe I would kiss you to know if your lips are soft as they seem, or I would touch you to feel you burning under my hands. Don't cover your mouth, I want to see you moan.

I'm sorry if this is too much, I'm sorry. It's just that I can't - I can't help myself but tell you how much I want you.

Fuck, Sirius, I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. I went too far, I know. I know and I'm sorry. If it is too much for you, just tell me and I will stop.

I'm sorry I was not brave enough and I love you, I love you so much that I can't even breathe.

Your,

Remus.

_______________________

Remus,

Remus. Moony, Moons. I read your letter a hundred times, and it still doesn't seem real. Moony, you're in love with me? For real? Oh Merlin, thank you.

It was not a mistake, I meant it. Remus, I'm in love with you too - I really am, and I felt like I was choking on it.

The photo I sent you, the last one - I didn't sleep last night, I was terrified that I was wrong and then you would be disgusted by it. By me.

But then your letter arrived, and I read it so fast that my head was spinning - and suddenly I could breathe again. I wasn't choking on my feelings anymore, because they were yours too.

Moony, I'm in love with you - I love you in that way. In the way that I want to kiss you, and hug you, and then kiss your lips again and again, for hours. For eternity.

Moons, I'm in love with you - and I'm not scared anymore. Because you’re in love with me, and even if it feels too good to be true I believe it.

I'm in love with you & you're in love with me, that way

Sirius.

P.S. I feel like I just repeated one thing for an entire letter. I did, but it's a really beautiful, important thing.

P.S. I'm sending another photo. But I took it before this happened - that we are in love, are we a thing now? Like, together together? - so maybe I shouldn't send it, but you said you like them so.

_Photo - Sirius face, close up. Cheeks aflame, eyes closed, two fingers inside his mouth, his lips closed around them. The eyes open, he looks at the camera for a second._

_Written on the back:_

_“two, not three - because three felt too slutty (?)”_

_______________________

Pup,

you are so so naughty. You really deserve a punishment this time. You know how bad pups get punished? Driving them to the edge and keeping them from coming.

I can see you blushing while reading this - don't lie to me, pup.

You know where I want your wet fingers? All over my body. On my tongue, on my chest, around my navel and all the way down.

I'm in love with you, for real. And I was scared too. I was scared to lose you. I was scared to let the words slip away and lose you. There is not that weight on my chest now - not anymore, because you love me too. God, Sirius, my hands are still shaking. I think my heart is going to blow up. I think my heart will blow up when you’ll be in front of me.

Do you remember what I wrote some letters ago? Those words were real. Those words are real. I love you and I love everything you do and everything you are.

Yes, I want us to be together together - if you also want to. Like boyfriends? Like a couple? I don't know, every word is fine if it means that I love you and you love me back.

Quote - poetry, of the day:

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.

Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.

Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day

I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,

your hands the color of a savage harvest,

hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,

I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,

the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,

I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,

hunting for you, for your hot heart,

Like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

Can I make a request? Open your leg for me. Show me how much you want me. Tell me how much you want me.

Yours,

Remus.

_Photo - Remus, from the navel to the thighs. Unmistakable swelling, below his underwear. A hand on one thigh. It moves imperceptibly towards his cock._

_Written on the back:_

_“This is what you do to me.”_

_______________________

Dear Moons,

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I want to, I want to be boyfriends. I want to be a couple - what does that mean, anyway? I feel like not much will change between us. Except for the, well - except for the kissing part? And the sex part?

Moony, about the sex part. I read what you write me over and over, and I blush every time but I also. I also like it, as in, my body likes it - I get hard, Moons. I do, and I'm so embarrassed right now that I can't feel my face anymore.

I really like it when you write to me those things, but I can't believe it. Before, we could say that we were just kidding: It's not real, we're just taking the piss - but now it's different. Now it's different, and it's important that you understand that - I don't know if I can be like that, Moony.

This is almost more embarrassing, Moons, but I have to tell you - because we are together now, we are a couple and I don't want to ruin it with lies: if you are expecting that kind of confiance from me, that experience, you won't find it. I've never done it, Moony - never, not with girls and surely not with any boy, no matter what you may have heard at school. I'm sorry, maybe you expected me to be better but - sorry, that's it.

Hoping the revelation doesn't change the way you see me & that you still want to be boyfriends, always yours

Sirius

_Photo - taken from below. Sirius’ open legs and his croch, his blushing face almost hidden behind one knee. White underwear, bulge in perfect view._

_Written on the back:_

_“I liked your photo - you know I can't refuse a request from you:_

_My legs are open”_

_______________________

Pads,

I'm really sorry. I didn't want to push you to talk about these things. At the beginning I thought it was funny, you know, to make you blush. But I meant all I wrote - I mean all I write, because I have this desire of you inside that keeps me from sleeping, even from thinking about anything but you.

I'm a virgin too, Pads. I never trusted anyone to see me, to see this broken body. It's not a big deal to be virgins because we can learn together, or we don't have to if you don't want to. I only want you to be comfortable and I'm sorry I pushed too far. Really, really sorry.

The things I told you, I just read them in some book or just imagined them thinking of you. I just thought you also wanted me like that - like I want you. Don't feel guilty if you don't, there is nothing wrong. It's all my fault. I decided for both of us that those things were fine.

Can you forgive me? I understand now why you were so vague and why you didn't answer my questions, and I am sorry. Don't feel yourself forced anymore to send me other photos like this.

Of course I still want to be your boyfriend, you tosser. Since the day you told me that you love me, my days are more beautiful, you know, brighter.

Quote of the day:

‘So I wait for you like a lonely house. You will see me again and live in me.

Until then my windows ache.’

I love you so much I can't tell you how much.

Yours,

Remus.

_______________________

Remus,

Please stop apologizing. There's nothing to forgive, okay? Nothing of what you said made me uncomfortable - okay, maybe a little. But in a good way?

I have to be clear about this, I know - but you know how I am with words, and things; so be patient.

I want you, Remus - I want you exactly in the way you want me. I keep your letters in my bedside drawer, I read them when I'm sure James won't come and find me, I make sure to lock the door and that I have everything I need.

Remus I want what you say, and I use your words to - I can't say it, but at this point you get the picture?

The fact that you don't have any experience either kind of calms me down, I was worried that I was going to be a disappointment for you.

Your words make me uncomfortable, in the way that I want everything you say to actually happen, and it scares me. Everything is so loud, and strong, and intense - and I feel so vulnerable. But I like it. I feel like you can see everything I feel and am, and I like it - but it's so new. And we are only writing these things, what will happen when we're face to face again?

If I calmly, honestly think about it, even a kiss seems unreal. In the letters we talk about things that I can just imagine, but now we are together - and thinking of kissing you for real makes me blush already.

So, to be clear: nothing of what you told me made me in any way sad; and you didn't force me to send or say anything. All I did, was because I wanted to do it.

And now, with us being a thing, I want you even more - always and constantly, it's embarrassing really. But it's also new, and I'm way shyer than I thought I could be about all of this, so: we can take this slow? I still want to hear what you think of me, what you want to do - and I still want to know if you like the photos I send you.

I don't know if I made any sense, but to make sure: I don't want you to stop telling me you want me, I won't stop sending you photos if you want them.

Wanting you always & blushing madly, I love you

Sirius.

_Photo - Sirius, on the bed with just his underwear, smiling cheekily and blushing. Taken from above, face upside down and body seen from afar. Legs bent, hair everywhere._

_Written on the back:_

_“I love you and I want you._

_Never doubt that.”_

_______________________

Sirius,

of course we'll take it slow. I'm scared too, you know, it's all new also for me and it freaks me out. I'm scared to do the wrong thing, to say the wrong thing. I'm scared I don't understand you, or I understand one thing for another. I'm scared I can't make you happy. We'll take all the time we need. I'll wait because I can and because I want to. I'll wait even for a kiss and I know you'll wait for me if I want to wait for something. And it's what I love about you, the fact that you understand me, that you are with me whatever happens.

I'm scared and you are scared - so, let's be scared together. We can do everything we want together. We can be everything we want together.

Sirius, Sirius - shit, Sirius, this photo… you want me dead, don't you?

Do you jerk off on my words? Fuck, Sirius! I was feeling so dirty to do the same on your photos. I want to touch you, I want to rub my hands on your body. I want to feel it - I want to feel you. And I want you naked under my body. I want to hear you moan.

Don't be afraid of me, show me - show me the real you.

Ops, my mother is calling me downstairs for dinner, but I can't leave you without the quote of the day. So, if you are reading this letter and there is no quote, it means that Callidora took the letter when I was eating and left, and I hope she doesn't.

Here I am, beautiful wonderful Paddy!

If you're wondering, don't. I'm drunk again and this time it's not beautiful. Last time it was all colored and I could see the happiness but this time I am crushed between dust and sadness.

They hate me, they all hate me, and I'm starting to think that maybe the world will be a better place without me. I'm a monster and we can't be together because I'll break you and you'll be damaged like I am, and I can't allow it. You are too pure to be ruined. I'm sorry because I love you and I can't let you go and it hurts. I'm crushed between the love for you and the fear. I'm scared, please, help me.

Sorry, but I have to puke now.

Goodnight.

_______________________

Remus,

You can't be sick the night of the full, Rem - why did you do this? Don't. Don't hurt yourself like this - if you're hurt, I'm hurt.

I'll stop here, you'll probably read this as you wake up after the full and I have more important things to tell you.

I'm in love with you, Remus. Are you sorry about loving me? Please tell me you're not - you loving me it's the only thing that's keeping me sane right now. You see: my boyfriend did a really dumb thing, and got drunk the day before the full, so now he could be really hurt and I couldn't anything about it. You're an idiot Moony, but I love every little bit of you.

You said you’re scared of breaking me, but I'm damaged too - I maybe at the Potters now, but I'm still a Black. I'm scared of who I am too, I'm scared that one day I'll just go mad and end up just like my parents - sad, and mad, and cruel, and alone. But you told me, in the same very letter: let's be scared together - let's, Moony. And maybe life will be half as scary.

You forgot the quote of the day at the end, I decided to return the literary favor:

“In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

Since I don't imagine you in good shape at all right now, I made you a little present - I died taking that photo, Moons. But now I know how you appreciate them.

(I'll go die of embarrassment in a corner now, don't mind me)

Loving you always & scared a little less since you’re with me, yours

Sirius.

_Photo - Taken from afar. Sirius, in his underwear in bed, on elbows and knees, back arched. Ass up, in foreground. He looks into the camera, eyes shiny and face redder than ever._

_Written on the back:_

_“Touch me, rub your hands on my body._

_Feel me, feel me naked under you._

_Hear me breath, hear me moan._

_That’s me, that's the real me._

_And I love you, and I want you._

_Let's be scared together, Remus”_

_______________________

Sirius,

I'm sorry I'm writing to you so late, but some things happened. I was so stupid - so so stupid. I didn't have to get drunk and have those thoughts the day before the full moon. I can see your worried face, breathe Sirius, I'm fine now.

You know, when I'm scared, Moony can feel it. He can smell the fear and he loves it. More I am scared and the more he is angry. And he punished me, to teach me that I had not to be scared. He bit me on my left leg and the wound got infected. I had a high fever for two days - I'm writing this to you while I am still in my bed, but I am fine now. I swear to you.

I only want you to be sure of what it means to be with me. They will look at you like they look at me - with contempt and pity, and you don't deserve it because you are already going through something difficult. I don't know if I am worth it. If you decide not to be with me, I'll understand and I won't hate you, I swear. But if you decide to be with me no matter what, I'll protect you from everything and everyone, I can promise you this.

I'll say it again: I am fine now - really, just a little bit aching.

Quote of the day:

‘At night I dream that you and I are two plants that grew together, roots entwined, and that you know the earth and the rain like my mouth, since we are made of earth and rain.’

You know, the fact that you wrote for me the quote of the day, makes me smile nonsense and makes me love you endlessly.

I can't stop thinking about you in that position, I had to hide the photo because it was too distracting. Don't be ashamed of it. You are beautiful and I'll never get tired of telling you this. I want to see you - I want to see all of you. I need to see you, I need to feel you.

Never forget that I love you.

Yours,

Remus.

_Photo - Remus, head on the pillow, hair curlier than ever. Face tired, watery eyes, huge smile from cheek to cheek. Written in the back:_

I love you because you always

make me smile.

If you want, let's be scared together

_______________________

Remus,

I'm mad at you: I know you couldn't help it, but I've spent the last two days convinced you were dead. I couldn't ask your parents, and I didn't know anything. Remus, if it weren't for James I would have lost my head.

A part of me didn't even want to answer you. And the other was just so fucking glad that you're alive that I didn't even care about my stupid pride. Remus, if you even do that again I’m not sure I could.

(You were sick the night prior. I know how the wolf is when you're like that. Remus, I was sure I lost you - and maybe it's not even your fault, but I thought you dead)

I’m mad at you, but you have to know: I know exactly what it means to be with you. It means that there's someone that actually loves me for who I am. That knows me for real, and wants me all the same. That has seen me do shameful, and stupid, and a cruel shit and still stands beside me. Remus - you know me, and you love me: that's more than I ever thought possible, and you gave it to me. Being with you is a blessing in my life, because I'm not empty apparently: I can love you, and I can be loved by you.

I love you - even mad, even crying, always.

Sirius.

Remus,

Men. Whatever happened: don't do it again. Sirius said you were drunk sick the night before the moon. I don't know how bad it was, but I'm guessing a lot.

Day one Sirius was just jumpy, but to the evening into the second day he didn't leave the bed - mine, by the way - and had constant nightmares.

I know he wasn't exaggerating, he was convinced you died. Moony I've never seen him cry so much. Please.

Please, don't do it ever again.

He is better now. Moody and sad, and angry at you; but better.

Are your wounds really better? How close did you get to dying, for real?

You're an idiot, but we love you anyway

James Potter.

_______________________

Sirius,

I'm sorry. Fuck, shit, I'm really really sorry. I'll never do this again, I promise. I can't - I can't, stand the thought of you crying because of me, I can't. It hurts me so much I can't even breathe.

I could never leave you, believe me. I know you are mad at me, but please - please, don't leave me.

Some shit happened here at home and I don't know what to do. This morning I told Mum about you, you know, that we are together and that I love you and that you love me. And she was happy, she really was, but dad was outside my room and listened to everything. He told me that when you'd find out that I am a monster, you'd change your mind.

But I told him that you already knew about me and that you loved me anyway and he got really mad and began to yell at me and at mum. And he said you'd leave me because if he was my dad and he didn't love me, then nobody would. And my mum said that she loved me and he said that was because she was a muggle and she doesn't understand how wizard world works, because I am a freak, a monster and also a fag.

She told him to leave and never came back and he tried to hit her but I stopped him telling him that I would kill him the next full moon if he didn't want to leave and he left. And now mum is crying and he burnt my favorite books and some of your letters. What have I done, Sirius?

Please, be my new beginning. Let me forget everything. I love you and I will never get you worried like this anymore.

With all the love I have,

Remus.

James,

I'm sorry. I fucked all up, but I'm better now. I know Sirius is mad at me and I'm feeling so guilty right now. My wounds are better, I swear. I had a high fever because of an infection, but it's fine now. The wound has to heal but I'm feeling better. Thank you for staying with Sirius and taking care of him. Really, really thank you.

Miss you,

Remus.

_______________________

Remus,

I love you, now more than ever - I understand what it feels like to be treated like that by the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally, and you stood up for it: I admire how brave you are, and I love you more and more everyday.

I don't even need to tell you not to believe a word he said, parents are sometimes the ones who make the biggest mistakes - the Potters, I'm starting to think, are the exception not the rule.

I had to tell James - I turned an old tree into ashes, I needed an explanation. The Potters don't know yet, James says they will care as much as he does, but I'm still wary. He is completely okay with it, he said he kind of saw it coming - weird guy, that James Potter.

Clearing up that I have obviously forgiven you & reminding you that there are people that love you, unconditionally yours

Sirius.

_A note, on a gigantic and really heavy box:_

_“Those are all the ones I could remember, If you have doubles you can just sell them - before you start talking money: those are some of the Black pennies I still have, and I really liked spending them in muggle litterature._

_As for the letters, don't mind them: we'll write more, love more, live more._

_I love you, and I want you. Always.”_

\-----------

Moony,

If you were wondering still: it's all forgiven - you need to make mistakes to learn, but tell me you learned. This is one dangerous mistake to make.

Also, Sirius probably told you he told me: I'm honestly okay with it, don't get all anxious about it - kind of saw it coming, actually. I'm happy for you guys.

(But I don't know to whom should I give the all “if you hurt him, I'll kill you” speech? Bummer, I really wanted to - maybe both? Both, both is good)

Take care, we're on your side

James.

_______________________

_Mr. Lyall Lupin,_

_We have never personally met, so allow me to present myself: I'm Sirius Orion Black, but l do prefer to be associated with the name Potter, if it's the same to you._

_I'm writing this to tell you, in the most respectful way possible, to first and foremost, never try to lay a hand on Remus or his mother again. To remind you that burning, and/or appropriating someone else's belongings is a crime - Remus may be your son, but he is seventeen, and therefore an adult by law, and nothing stops him from making that a point._

_About your shortcomings as a parent, and as a human being also, let me just tell you this: If you’re incapable of loving your own son, you are the freak and the monster - I had to learn this on my own skin, and being a wizard you can imagine what kind of parenting figures the Blacks are. I have to thank you for showing me that evil and cruelness is something not belonging to them only._

_I also want to remind you, always respectfully, that I am Remus' boyfriend - and that I have been his friend for many years, and that I love him wholeheartedly. I may be seventeen, but I have also been raised by the Blacks: I don't want to hear of anything like what just happened ever again - yes, it is a threat. Yes, I will expose your abusive tendencies to the authorities if you ever decide to show this to anyone._

_My sincerest condolences on the permanent loss of the house you used to live in, and for the money that you will surely keep providing to Remus and his mother._

_Don't forget my name, or my words_

_Sirius Orion Black._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one left! Thank you for reading and leaving kudos! Let us know what you think about it so far!


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius,

did you really remember almost all my favorite books? You are crazy. You are the craziest man I have ever met and I love you. Do you hear me scream that I love you? Because everyone has to hear it. I love you, Sirius Black, and I will love you forever. And if I am brave, it is because you taught me how to be brave.

The books are so beautiful - all spotless and without my notes, like they are here ready to be rewritten by me. And the feeling is unbelievable. Thank you, Sirius, for all you are, for all you do, for all you'll be, for all you'll do.

Would you like to rewrite all the books with me?

Can you make a promise to me? When we see each other, hold me tight.

Little quote of the day:

_‘We are such stuff as dreams are made on.’_

Can you send me a photo of you? You know, I miss your stupid beautiful face,and your perfect body, and your white skin, and you red cheeks. And please, let me see you - let me see _all_ of you, don't be ashamed of me.

I love you, I want you and I miss you, but maybe missing each other terribly is already making love.

Yours,

Remus.

James,

Thank you. You really don't know how much I am relieved right now, knowing you are okay with me and Sirius together. And I know what you are thinking - don't worry about this, you are and always will be his favorite person in the world and the brother he always wanted.

I will always be grateful to you for all you did for him and that you keep doing. Without you, he would not have been the wonderful man he is now. If I love him and if he loves me back, is also because of you.

Thank you,

Remus.

_______________________

Moony,

We really are hella sappy, aren't we? We can't go one letter without saying at least one mushy thing - we're ridiculous, let's face it. 

So yes, I'm not ashamed to promise you that I will hold you as tightly as I can, for as long as I can - we're sappy shits, I know this and I'm not ashamed.

I started talking like Jaimie-boy, Remus. The moment I could talk about you to someone, I was suddenly a heart eyed idiot, who can't even stop talking when he starts. So Prongs - and the comparison is a little embarrassing, honestly.

The guy from that bookshop - I bought all your new-beginning books there - loves me. He wants me to marry his dog, and become mayor. Really, he gives me pastries and calls me Mr. Sirius. It's ridiculous, I love it.

About that photo request: you want to see me naked, right? I don't think my nerves will be strong enough for that, yet. Almost naked? I will do my best, and hope you'll like it.

Being endlessly mushy & stupidly in love, yours always

Sirius.

_Photo - taken from above. Sirius, face in forefront, naked in bed, white sheets barely covering his privates, black pubes and pale tights in plain view. Cheeks aflame, shy smile._

_Written on the back:_

_“Is this real enough, for now?”_

Moony,

I think you will appreciate those. You're welcome.

Your awesome and majestic,

Prongs.

_Photo - Sirius, face frowning thoughtfully, playing chess with Fleamont Potter._

_Photo - Sirius, with a pink apron on his hips, setting the table for dinner._

_Photo - Sirius, mad smile and messy hair, flying on the broom._

_Photo - Sirius, curled on the couch, eyes dropping with sleepiness._

_Photo - Sirius, sticking his tongue out at the camera, and then laughing._

_______________________

Sirius,

the bookshop guy wants you to marry his dog? Oh _fuck_! I'm dying from laughing, _shiiiit_. Please, Sirius - _please_ , marry that _fucking_ dog. Oh my God, please do. My belly hurts because I'm laughing too much, and it's all your fault. From Sirius lover boy to Padfoot lover dog. You are killing me, you are killing meeee!

Yeah, we are two lovesick puppies, and I'm not even ashamed. Maybe a little. Maybe a little lot. But, who cares? I love you and you love me so, who cares? I love you so much you little sweet chef sleepy funny chess player beautiful puuuuup!

I can't wait to see you, and hug you, and kiss you, and - _fuck_ , yes, maybe even grope your ass.

I have to tell you - with endless sadness, that (un)fortunately that little nazi son of a bitch faded into the afterlife. I’m sure he is in hell at this right moment.

Joking, I throw him in the toilet.

Joking again, I gave him away to the child next door. I know, I know, I'm afraid too, but at least he'll stop thinking about a way to kill me.

I'm free man now, Sirius. I don’t have a price on my head anymore.

The quote of the day:

_‘Our love was born_

_outside the walls,_

_in the wind,_

_in the night,_

_in the earth,_

_and that's why the clay and the flower,_

_the mud and the roots_

_know your name.’_

Sirius, you are so beautiful - _so so beautiful_.

_God_ , I wish I could touch you right now and whisper in your ear how much I love you and how much I want you. I'll dream about you and your body tonight, I'm sure of it.

Sorry if it'll be too much, but I want - _need_ , you to see me.

I love you and I miss you.

Yours,

Remus.

_Photo - Remus, totally naked. Half-light. One knee up, one hand on his chest and the other through the curls, eyes on the camera. Cock obscenely hard. Written in the back:_

_I'm yours._

_Do what you want to me._

Deer James,

for these photos I will be in debt to you for all my life.

Remus.

_______________________

Moony,

First of all, I'm not marrying the dog. And that's all I'm saying on the subject - since, after all, I'm taken.

I’M SO FUCKING GLAD THE DAMNED FISH IS GONE! Not for the fish, mind you - being a fish, he couldn't possibly do much damage even if he wanted to - but for your sake, and my sanity. Do try to see reason, Remus: it was only a fish.

I can't believe James sent you those Photos! Here I am, trying desperately to appear all sexy and delectable, and what does that prick do? He sends you a collection of sweet and cute images, where I might be beautiful, but surely not sexy! This is madness. Do you still find me sexy, Moons? Will I be able to overcome this betrayal?

Oh well, I took extra care of the photo I'm sending you, just to reestablish my sexyness - I’ve never been this embarrassed my whole life, appreciate my efforts.

Loving you always & and wanting you more, yours

Sirius.

_Photo - Sirius, naked on the white sheets, face down, flushed face and looking into the camera. Half face hidden into the pillow, the curve of his bare ass clearly visible._

_Written on the back:_

_“I want to hug you, as soon as I see you._

_But then I want more._

_I want to kiss you - with my lips, and my tongue, and my teeth._

_I want to touch you - your hair, your skin and every one of your scars._

_I want you to touch me - grope my ass, and touch anything you want._

_I can't believe the photo you sent me, and I can't stop looking at it._

_I want to touch, and kiss, and lick, and taste._

_I want all of you.”_

_______________________

Sirius,

_shit_ , you want to kill me, you really do. You know you can't back out from what you said.

I want to hug and feel your heart beating against my chest. I want to kiss you and lick your lips and taste your flavor. I want to touch every inch of your skin, feel you burning under my hand. I want to touch your spine and go down, and touch your ass and see if it is soft like it seems. I want to touch your legs and open them for me.

I want to bite your neck and leave my marks all over your body. I want to feel you shaking because my touch makes you shiver. I want to feel you, in every way possible.

I want to feel your body against mine. I want to touch your cock, and ear you moan with your head on my collarbone, and ear you scream that you want me.

I want you to come for me.

I love you and I want you.

Yours,

Remus.

_Photo - Remus. Naked on the bed. Lips open, eyes watery from pleasure. Back a little bit arched. One hand around the hard cock._

_Written on the back:_

_Want to see me come?_

_______________________

Remus,

Oh, Merlin. I can't take this anymore. It will be weeks till I'll see you - until I can actually see you, and hug you, and touch you. And you are showing me so much, ant telling even more: I may die of embarrassment - promise me you won't show this letter to any other ever, and remember that real life will have to go way fucking slower or I'll die - but I can't keep this in any longer.

Moony your cock is magnificent. So fucking big, I can't look away from it - I want to taste it, I want to see how much of it I can fit in my mouth without choking.

I want your hand on my cock and, Merlin, I want them on my ass. I want your fingers on my cock, and _in_ my ass - shit, I don't even know if you're into that. But, oh I am. I've been playing with the idea - and with myself, a bit - since you sent me that photo with your hard, big cock out.

Shit, Moony. I'm a perv. My face is on fire and the thought of you really reading all of this makes me want to dig up a hole to hide in forever, but the things I think. The things I want. That's pervy, shameless stuff - I couldn't not say it, that damn photo killed me.

Yes, Moony. I want to see you come - on my skin, and then taste it. Shit, I'm so out of it.

Hoping this doesn't disgust you after all & that I didn't go too far, love you always

Sirius.

_Photo - Sirius, completely naked, on the bed. On his knees and elbows, taken from behind, privates in full display. Flushed face, guilty eyes, biting his lip, looking into the camera._

_Written on the back:_

_“This is how I want you._

_How much I want you._

_Do you want me?”_

On a separate note, written quickly:

P.S. I can't believe I actually wrote all of that. Moony, please. If it's too much, too pervy, just - don't tell me I disgust you. Even if you think it, don't tell me.

_______________________

Sirius,

_fuck! Fuck! FUCK!_ I want you, I want so much that right now my cock is so painfully hard. I can't look away from this photo, from you, from your body, from your ass, from your cock. You're always beautiful, but like this - _fuck_ , so ready for me, I can't think about anything but you.

I don't know if it is too much, but you have to know what I want to do to you. I want you to stay like this - on your elbows and knees, I want you to suck my fingers and I want to put them in your ass, one by one. I want you to arch your back for me, I want you to beg me to give you more. And - when you'll be ready for me, I want to stick my cock deep in your ass. I want you to feel me.

Can you feel me? I can. If I close my eyes I can smell your scent, and hear your voice, and feel your hand on my body.

Can I taste your cock? I bet it has a perfect taste. You know, I want to get on my knees and take your cock entirely in my mouth, and suck it, and lick it. I want you to pull my hair and come in my mouth. Do you want to come in my mouth? I want it, I want to taste all of you.

Can you tell me how do you want me to fuck you?

How can I be disgusted by you? I started it, I always wanted you like this. And this is you, and I love you and I love you shy, and scared, and sad, and happy, and ashamed, and shameless.

Never forget how much I love you.

Yours,

Remus.

_Photo - Remus, totally naked. He strokes his cock three times, and then he arches his back, closes his eyes shut and comes - mouth open in a soundless moan._

_Written on the back:_

_Can you imagine me coming on your ass?_

_Can you imagine me coming in your ass?_

_______________________

Remus,

I'm so fucking glad you're not turned off by what I said. By me. Jesus, since this started I thought my mind was finally leaving me: like those dirty thoughts plugging my mind were making me crazier and crazier, because there was just no possible way you wanted all of that too. But you do and, Merlin, now I don't even want to stop.

I saw you come, Remus. And the only thing I can think about since then is bending down on you and licking the cum off of your body. I saw your cock twinch, just before, and now I want to feel it happen on my tongue. I want to suck you off, basically - one day? Maybe when I stop blushing when we kiss? Soon tho? Cause I love it, I love your cock.

Remus, I want to feel you come in my ass. I want to feel you inside me - I want it, but honestly I'm not even sure it will fit? I can get two fingers in comfortably, today - thanks to the rather long wanking break I had to take, in the middle of a quidditch game with James, thanks to your last letter - I got three in. Honesty, I don't even know if I can take three of _your_ fingers: they're bigger than mine, longer too.

(Jesus, if anyone - first of all James, or the Potters - ever finds this I will no doubt die instantly. So keep it close, and hidden, and do not speak a word of it to anyone. And the photo, that's hella embarrassing too - I let out three very loud moans at one point: Prongs’ already making fun of me, and this photo was hell to make. Positioning, timing: all of it. Worth it, wank of the century.)

Loving you always & wanting you in the most shameful and dirty ways, yours always

Sirius.

_Photo - taken from below. Sirius on his knees, legs apart and waist up. One hand on his mouth, the other behind his back. On forefront, three fingers going in and out._

_Written on the back:_

_“Still don't think it'll fit, way too fucking big - and hard, and hot, and delicious._

_Love you, want you inside”_

_______________________

Sirius,

I keep your letters and your photos in a box - closed with magic, under my bed. My mum, a muggle I want you to remember, will never open it and find your _fucking_ hot photos. You - on the other hand, are in danger. I don't think I am ready - or I will ever be ready, to be seen by the Potters or, _fuck,_ by Prongs like that. So, please, _please_ , be careful. Or our lives will be over.

_God_ , Sirius. I saw your photo and my hand ran immediately on my cock. I stroked it two times - _fuck,_ I swear to you, and I came. How can you be so _fucking_ hot? I have to touch you or I'll go crazy. _Shit_ , Sirius, if you'll do that in front of me, I think I'll die.

I want to come in your mouth, I want to come in your mouth so bad. Taste me. Eat me.

I can't stop thinking about those fingers in your ass. _Shit_ , let me fuck you, please, please, let me come inside your ass, let me make you mine.

You are a bad bad pup, you know? And you need me to spank you, I need to make your ass red.

We'll make my cock fit in your ass. Maybe it will hurt at the beginning, but I swear to you, I'll make you scream in pleasure.

I love you and I want you more than ever.

Yours,

Remus.

_Photo - Remus naked on the bed. His hips move up and down. Shameless smile on the face. Hand behind his head._

_Written on the back:_

_Want to ride me?_

_______________________

Remus,

You came in two strokes? Really? Watching a photo of me sinking on my own fingers - being my dirty, slutty self. That's. That's one hell of a compliment and also really hot.

I've kind of been wanking three times a day, on you - your photos, and your words. Until I get to the point where I can't keep my eyes open, and then it's just the things I remember and the unforgettable image of that amazing monster cock. Merlin, I feel sluttier everytime I think anything like that.

I will - it will take time, don't forget we never actually even kissed - but I will suck you off. It's, like, wank material N.1. (N.2 is getting fucked. Jesus, I'm dying here. But it really, really is.)

_Making it fit_ \- Remus, fuck, you say shit like that and I spend two hours, ass up, closed in my bedroom, trying to muffle moans.

_Do I want to ride you?_ \- Oh! Why, thank you, kind sir. I'll just hop on this _great marvel_ of a cock you have here, hope you don't mind. It won't take much, but it may be a little tight for you.

JAMES WILL NEVER SEE ANY OF THIS, NOT OVER MY DEAD BODY! I keep all of it in my room, in the secret double store space of my windowsit - James knows the place exists, but I also told him that I may or may not keep sexed up photos of us there. Not a lie, not a lie at all - but he immediately decided to never go looking again.

I think the Potters know something, or at least mom - James teased me about being _lovey-dovey_ one too many times, what a surprise. She didn't ask who it was - you don't have to worry: if you don't want me to tell I never will. But I think I might tell them I'm dating a boy - but she gave me this book, scarring I tell you, and told me that Dad will probably want to add some more at one point.

Moons, it was a book on sex. All kinds of sex: girl and boy, girl and girl, boy and boy. But not in a sexy way at all! A lot about being safe, consent, not getting anyone pregnant, sexual diseases, infections - really, truly scarring. I really hope Dad never gets to talk to me about any of this, or I might die.

Loving you more and more every moment & wanting you so fucking much, yours always

(Also: this photo was hell to make too, hope it does makes you come in seconds, at least.)

Sirius

_Photo - Sirius, naked on his knees, on the floor. Mouth wide open, tongue out, eyes up and cheeks red._

_Written on the back:_

_“Come. In my mouth, or on my face, anywhere you want - just don't get it in my hair, or you're washing it”_

_______________________

Sirius,

stop talking about my cock like it is some kind of monstrosity, come on, it's not _that_ big. Maybe it's a little bit bigger than the others, but not _that_ big.

And yes, when I see your photos, I come immediately. Because you are so, so hot. I have to improve my resistance, I can't come and leave you unsatisfied. I promise to you that I'll do better.

Every night, I wank on your photo in my bed and I fall asleep satisfied and with you as my last thought. You can't imagine how much I love you, Pads. And I know that - when we'll see each other, it will be all different, you know, we'll be ashamed and all blushing. But I feel that if I don't tell you these things I'll go mad. So, let's wank on each other’s photos and then we'll see.

So, your dad is going to do to you _that_ speech? Oh _fuck_ , I'm already laughing.

You are on your knees, with your tongue out and with your eyes up. Okay, you definitely killed me. Are you happy now? You killed your boyfriend just before seeing him.

I want to fuck your mouth, little one, I want to come in your throat.

You know what I am thinking? I am thinking about you with a leash, you know, a _choker_. Do you want to wear a choker for me, pup?

I love you every day more.

Yours,

Remus.

_Photo - Remus’ cock in foreground. Brown curls on the base. Hard, head almost purplish, swollen veins._

_Written on the back: Do you like it?_

_______________________

Moony,

Not that big? Not that _big?_ And you have the courage to say shit like that and then you send me that photo - are you for real? Moons, your hands are massive, and your fist still covers half of that _massive glory._ Shut up. If your personality and charm hadn't revealed my sexuality already, your cock would have.

I kissed the tip, on the photo. I really did and then I blushed for seven hundred years - that's what you do to people's faces, right? Like, girls kiss their boyfriend's face on photos all the time, and here I am: kissing my boyfriend's cock, right on the tip - yes, I'm the kind of person that kisses cock on photos now. Are you happy? That's all your fault - yours and your majestic, mouth watering cock.

Dad _tried_ to give me the speech - but after fifteen minutes of blushing and unfinished sentences he simply gave up. He asked me if I read the book, if I had any questions and that told me to tell mom that we had the talk. I've never been more glad in my life, honestly.

(James got the book too, the exact same one - but he got mom for the talk: he says I have been blessed, and that he will never have sex - that was obvious tho, we all knew he will never have sex.)

I don't know if you're counting, but we don't have to wait much to see each other at this point - I swear I've never been more excited about starting school, and I used to live in a hell house.

So I'm getting all the filthy shit I can think about now, cause face to face I'll probably die - hence the photo, again difficult to take and again really embarrassing.

I'm in love with you & I can't wait to see you, yours always

Pads.

_Photo - taken from below. Sirius naked on the bed, legs spread, privates in forefront. Three fingers inside, one hand around his cock. Mouth opening up in a moan, eyes closing, he comes._

_Written on the back:_

_“Making space for that massive, glorious, fantastic, huge dick of yours.”_

_______________________

Sirius,

of course I'm counting. Only seven days until I'll see you. I'm so excited, Pads. I will see you again, I will kiss you, I will look you in the eyes and I will tell you how beautiful you are. _Shit_ , Sirius, I miss you so, so much.

Do you know what I want to do so bad? Hug you, as tight as I can.

Can you imagine it? You and me at Hogsmeade, alone, like a couple? All the girls and the boys will be jealous, you know, because I have the most beautiful man in the world, of the universe and even of the galaxy.

Pads, Pads, I'm so so happy. I can't wait!

Do you think Prongs will never have sex? Yeah, me too. The only thought makes me shiver. _Fuck_ , now I can't stop thinking about it. Help me, Pads, think about him too. Ooooh God! I just imagined Wormtail. I'm done.

_Fuck_ , you are making space for me? For my massive, glorious, fantastic, huge dick? _Fuck_! I don't have words to describe how _much_ you are. Too much everything.

I love you, more than chocolate. If someone makes me choose between chocolate and you, I will always choose you.

Yours,

Remus.

_Photo - Remus, only underwear. On his right side. Curls everywhere, one arm under his head. Sleepy eyes, sweet smile. He taps on the free side of the bed._

_Written on the back:_

_Would you like to sleep with me?_

_______________________

Moony,

We’ll really see each other in a matter of days now, and I jump up and down like an idiot every time I realize this - Prongs makes fun of me often, but he simply can not understand the joy.

Or he can, he is over the moon about working side by side with Evans - but it's not the same. I haven't pointed this out obviously, I'd never be that cruel, but being loved back is exhilarating in a whole new way.

I want to hug you too - and keep hugging you through the entire train ride. Ah, we forgot Wormtail: he knows nothing about us, or the Headboy thing, or anything else that happened this summer - holiday out of country he said, we'll have to catch him up.

(We should just kiss in front of him: can you imagine his face? Hilarious - kidding. I don't want anyone to see our first kiss, that's just for us)

Mom is starting to get quiet - James says it happens every year: I guess getting used to a loud, cheerful house and then having to go months without must be hard. But I'll write - and I guess Jaimie will too, but I want to write every week. I will miss them both.

Missing you a lot & counting the days till I'll see you, loving you always

Padfoot.

_Photo - Sirius on the couch, in shots and a t-shirt, making kissy faces at the camera._

_Written on the back:_

_“I made James thake this one._

_I love you and I miss you.”_

_______________________

Pads,

only six days. ONLY SIX DAYS! I'm so happy and even mum is happy, and she also can't wait to see you. You know what we can do? Since your mum is used to have a loud house and mine is alone here, for the Christmas holidays we can go all together to the Potters. Can you imagine it? A one big happy family: Fleamont, Euphemia, Prongs, my mum, you and me, and even Wormtail if he wants to.

Mum says she is okay, and maybe she can write to Euphemia to settle everything.

_Shiiiit_ , Prongs is my brother in law, right? I can't stop laughing.

Can you see Peter's face when we tell him that we are together? I can see him stutter - red cheeks, saying _‘I'm happy for you two, but no annoying noises when I am in the room.’_

I'm happy, Pads. I'm so happy you can't even imagine it. And I can't wait to kiss you. I want our first kiss to be perfect and - even if it won't be perfect, I'll remember it for the rest of my life.

Paaaaads! Mum brought me a kitty. A little tiny kitty. Her name is Alexandra. After Adolf this is an upgrade, don't you think? She is so sweet with these big blue eyes and white fur. I'll send a photo. But, don't worry, you'll always be my favorite pet.

I love you so so so so much.

Yours,

Moony.

_Photo - Remus with Alexandra on his lap. She is purring against his hand. Remus is smiling sweetly, eyes from the kitty to the camera. The smile arrives also in his eyes._

_Written on the back:_

_Don't be jealous._

_You'll love her too._

_Miss you, so much._

_______________________

Remus,

I'll say this once: I don't like the cat. She may be cute, she may make you even more adorable in that photo - but she is a cat. Her being disagrees with me on a basic level, and I can't believe you would do this to me. She is a cutie, I understand this; but I don't like it.

On second thought: Wormtail will die. The moment he sees her on the train, his poor rat heart will start beating madly and he will run away. You can keep her, if just for the comedic relief of scaring the shit out of Pete.

Peter won't be even half that composed, I tell you. He will see us, get a little green in the face and then barf on the floor. He will apologize endlessly for weeks, but still be unable to look at us without feeling nauseous - Should I feel offended? A rat has no right to be disguised by me, or my hot boyfriend.

James is _kind of_ your brother in law. Kind of because, you know WE ARE NOT MARRIED. Are you proposing, Moony? Is this your real deal now? We are awfully young, obviously; and I do like to try, before I buy. I can give you a maybe, as an answer; ask me in a couple of years, and it could change.

I love you a lot & miss you even more, yours and only yours

Sirius.

_Photo - Padfoot, in the middle of the Potter's backyard, looking sadly at the camera, ears down._

_Written on the back:_

_“I do not like Alexandra._

_Great name, but still a cat._

_Love you anyway.”_

_______________________

Padfoot,

don't look at me like this, pleaaase, I could die from cuteness. I already told you that you'll be always my favorite pet. There is nothing to worry about, I swear to you.

Oh my God, Wormtail will die twice. He will see Alexandra and he'll die, then he will come to life, and he will die again after seeing us together. And he won't be disgusted - I know it, he will love us just the same.

Would you like to try before buy? Really? You have to try me? I am deeply offended by you. You have seen this body, this beautiful smile and this huge cock and you are not sure yet? Shame on you! Shame. On. You.

Come on! You cannot hate a cat! Maybe one day she and Padfoot will be best friends, who knows?

Can I ask you something? You are okay about telling everyone that we are together? I mean, do we have to hide? If you are okay about this, I am okay - more than okay. But if you don't - please, tell me, because there is nothing wrong about it.

I love you so much and I miss you.

Yours,

Remus.

_Photo - Alexandra, sleeping with her head on Padfoot's photo._

_Written on the back:_

_See? She already loves you._

_And I also love you._

_Photo - Remus, sitting on the bed. A book opens on his legs. Glasses on. Eyes from the book to the camera._

_Written on the back:_

_I forgot to tell you, but lately I have to wear glasses when I read._

_Do you like me the same?_

_______________________

Remus,

Well, yes. I want to try that body and smile, and I definitely want to try that cock. But you can bet I'll buy, have no doubt.

About telling people: I don't want _not_ to tell. Okay, it doesn't make sense. I don't want to hide it, but I'm not sure I can flaunt it. Like, I want to hold your hand, but I’m not even sure I can kiss you in front of James and Peter. I want to kiss you, always. But maybe not in front of anyone? For a while at least. Sorry.

Okay, I guess I can accept the cat. Maybe. Only because she's cute and she'll scare the shit out of Wormy.

Have to go, Mom wants to go to Diagon Alley for supplies. Love you & can't wait to see you, yours

Sirius.

_Photo - Prongs, with countless flower crowns hanging from his antlers, looking majestic and ridiculous._

_Written on the back:_

_“look at this idiot, Moons”_

_______________________

Sirius,

it's tomorrow, TOMORROW! _Fuck_ , my hands are shaking and my heart is beating fast. I can't wait, I can't wait to see you and hug you.

You are the most beautiful thing ever happened in my life. I'll never let you go, I promise. I will always be beside you - holding your hand.

Thank you, Sirius, for loving me. I never felt so happy before.

I love you, more than anything, and I swear you I'll love you all my life.

Yours,

Remus.

_______________________

Dear Moony,

This is probably the last letter I will send you this summer. Tomorrow I'll see you - your real face, and your smile, and your stupid shiny eyes - and everything will be perfect.

I sent you thirty-one letters this summer - and I got thirty-one back. And so much has changed that I can't even think about it sometimes.

When we started I didn't even know myself, in a way. Couldn't imagine questioning something so big as my sexuality, let alone having enough balls to start something with you.

But you, Remus - your words, your kindness, your feelings - gave me the courage to take it. To admit what I want and just take it.

I love you Moony. I'm in love with you. You're the best damn thing ever happened to me, and I love you.

See you tomorrow & I want to kiss you, can't wait

Sirius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was it! Thanks to everyone who left kudos, or even just read! love you all! Also, comments keep writers alive! tell us what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi people! This thing was actually more of a writing exercise for us: we had no plot at all, and we basically just answered the letters as we thought Sirius and Remus would. We had a lot of fun writing it, though. There are two other parts coming; but do not expect a linear, smooth plot. We hope you’ll like them anyway! 
> 
> kamomiru as Sirius  
> Bluesmoke as Remus


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